It's Almost That Time Again..

It's true. It is. It's almost time for hockey to start back up. I'm slowly getting back into the groove of reading information on prospects and such. While my friends of teams like the Flames and Oilers are really excited for hockey to be back, I am not there. I think I am ready, and then I watch clips from last season or read talk of the playoffs and panic strikes. My anxiety levels go past Keith Ballard sitting in the press box and right through the roof. I'm trying to be excited, I really am but I keep getting flash backs.....

Sitting alone in my living room watching Game 7, refusing to believe it was actually over. Shedding a few tears, trying to pull myself together and saying ' it's just a game'...that turned into ' it's just a god damn game'...which then turned into ' holy fucking hell I'm going to smash my laptop into pieces'. Even now my chest feels all tight when I think back to everything that went through my head that night. (ok, maybe that's partly to do with the fact I'm wearing my Tanner Glass Scrabble Champ shirt and it looks like his face is on my boob). Then came the rioting. I knew it would come no matter what but it was still shocking, sitting up alone until well after midnight watching it all unfold on CTV.

I want to have flashbacks of the happy times. Alex Burrows' and Kevin Bieksa's great goals don't work, because I just remember being so exciting thinking ' holy shit, this may actually happen'.  I wish I could think back to just watching regular season games that weren't life or death, chirping some of my Oilers and Flames fan friends. I just can't seem to remember exactly what that's like. Hopefully once the first regular season game gets here I will feel that excitement again. Dealing with some personal crap in my own life, hopefully it will be a nice distraction.

I am excited for these things

• Seeing Keith Ballard actually play again
• Seeing Chris Tanev continue to be awesome
• Keith Ballard's first hipcheck of the season
• Seeing Mason Raymond skate again
• Hopefully, once I get some stuff sorted out, get back to Vancouver for a home game. It's been way to long.
• Gathering up as many Canucks fans as I can here in Edmonton and watching a game somewhere

That's all I have right now. Anyway, while you're reading  check out this great story on Tanner Glass giving back to his home town. also Alixiswright37's great blog post  "A Day In The Life Of A Canucks Fan". Hopefully I have more to say soon.

Rick Rypien

This wasn't exactly what I had imagined my first post back would be, and I'm not sure if I'm even ready for anything more then this at this point. However, Some things have to be said.



Rick Rypien. 5'11'. 190lbs. Hockey player. Forward. Enforcer. Son. Brother. Cousin. Friend. Gone.

He had some personal issues, it wasn't totally made public, but rumours flew. When he went after a fan at the beginning of the season and then left the team it was very apparent he had something going on. When he came back to play with the Moose late in the season I remember everything on twitter was about his beard. I remember thinking ' I'm so glad he's dealt with whatever is wrong and he's looking forward to a happy, healthy life again'. Apparently I was wrong, or maybe he was better then and the demons took over again.

Mike Gillis said in a press conference today that Rypien's problems were never drug or alcohol related and he didn't even want anything prescribed.  That doesn't leave much else does it?Sure I didn't know him personally, but when you passionate about something like hockey, a team, all the players you learn a lot about them and it almost feels like you do know them. It breaks my heart to think about how alone he must of felt, for whatever reason.

I was out at the store last night and a friend in the states who barely knows what hockey is messaged me saying ' Rick Rypien?'. At first I thought...what the hell? is he trying to get to know hockey or something? then something clicked, I remembered the beginning of the season, the leave of absense. I instantly knew.
No.
No.
He didn't.
He couldn't have.
Please god don't let my thoughts be true.

Right away I signed onto twitter and started to see everyone's tweets. I was already in a crappy mood and I just kind of stood in the middle of the store and dropped everything and just couldn't figure out what to do with myself.  I gathered my thoughts a bit and instantly thought of @alixiswright37 as we have had a few conversations about him, his jersey she has and such throughout the season. I thought I hope she's dealing with this shocking news better then I am. Really though, it shouldn't have been so shocking if just by someone saying his name, I knew what it had to be.

Nobody should EVER feel like there is no way out, or that they are completely alone. I in no way have ill feelings towards him for what he choose to do, but it breaks my heart that he did it. I've had a few rough years as I entered adulthood. I've hit rock bottom but somehow pulled myself back up. I now have 2 beautiful children and even though I'm going through some really rough times I know I could never ever do that to them. I have, however, felt completely and utterly alone, like nobody cared. Sometimes you just have to reach out, take that deep breath and send that e-mail or text to a friend. I reached out to someone I barely knew, someone I had only really contacted to have a drink with when I was home earlier this month to congratulate him on something. One night though, I decided to tell him some things I've kept quiet and that had been eating away at me for quite some time. He listened, he told me what he thought, he continued talking to me. He's helped me through a lot lately.

You have to reach out, even if it's to a stranger. Even if you do it anonymously.  I have no idea who all reads what I'm writing but I know depression hits every kind of person, and some are really good at hiding it. Just talk to somebody. Make up a new e-mail so nobody knows who you are and take that step. My contact information is on the right hand side of this page. If anybody reading this feels the need to talk, click that e-mail link. I can try to give advice, I can help you find information to help, or I can just sit there and listen. I'm always around in some form thanks to modern technology, my blackberry is always on me. Nobody deserves to feel what Rypien must of felt in those last days. Nobody. Ever.

It saddens me that on a big scale, Rick Rypien will be remembered as the Canuck player that went after a Wild fan. I refuse to remember him that way, instead I will remember him as the guy who stood up for himself and his teammates, no matter how big the guy coming after him was.

So, Here's to you Rick. I hope you are at peace now. If anything, know you have given me new determination to fight through what I'm going through right now. One day I plan on getting a dog,  I've decided this dog's name will be Rypien. I'm not sure why exactly, but it just seems fitting. 

Little Break

As anyone who follows my blog knows I haven't been saying much lately. I've decided to take a little break, and will probably start blogging again after I get back from my trip to Vancouver next month. Feel free to email me or send a message on twitter if you want.

Christine

Was At A Loss For Words

I'm a horrible person, I'd been so good about blogging something almost every day since January and now I haven't said a thing in a week. Truth is besides my feelings about the riot I haven't exactly known what to say, or how I feel. I thought maybe if the Canucks lost in game 7 I may shed a tear, sit in a state of shock and disappointment, but that never happened. Instead everything got focused on the riot, and yes I shed a tear for that.

The beginning of the season I knew the Canucks had a great team, with the potential to go far but I was always cautiously optimistic. As the season went on I became more and more optimistic, it was a great season and they set many records and lead the league in many categories. I still sat quietly wondering if they would actually do it. I was happy enough that I actually was able to watch the Canucks live twice this season. Even though the 2nd game, I'd rather forget the outcome of.

When the playoffs came around in April and everyone was on the "sweep" bandwagon in the Chicago series, it drove me nuts as you saw in my posts back then. When that series went as long as it did I started to wonder even more. The Nashville series was some boring hockey at times, but the fans were amazing and I quite enjoyed it. I had a more personal connection with the Sharks series as one of my good friends is a Sharks fan. We had some hilarious conversations via BBM during games and even chirping absolutely stupid stuff on none game days. Then came the Bruins. By then I was way more optimistic that it would happen, then came those 2 damn games in Boston. Everyone was all ' they are still in it' and all that but honestly, I Wasn't so sure. . Then we all know it went to game 7. 1 game to determine who wins the Stanley Cup, again I was cautiously optimistic but once it was 2-0 I basically knew it was over. I still watched the entire game, because I have never turned a game off because of how they are playing. In the Chicago series I turned the absolute blow out game off for maybe 5 minutes, just to collect my thoughts and keep myself from throwing my laptop across the room.

So there are some random fast thoughts about the season and mostly the playoffs. I am working at compiling some of my favourite moments of the regular season and playoffs to post about. It's getting harder as the weather is nicer so the ' stay inside curled up on the couch watching a movie because its -40' days don't happen and I'm busy with my kids outside most days now. I also have some Keith Ballard thoughts I need to get out properly.  I don't know what exactly will come of my blog through the summer, I may just 'close' it until pre season when  I will have more things to talk about again, I'm not sure. I've also decided to dive into the world of CFL football, which should be interesting. Hockey has also been my main sport but I've done the basketball and baseball thing to, so naturally football is next.

Anyway, hope everyone is having a good off season so far, I will have more to say, hopefully, soon.

Dear World

I'm sad.

I'm angry.

I'm downright pissed right off.

And none of it is even about the game, I'm not even ready to try to talk about that.
I was hoping win or loss I would be able to come and just say something about the game, thank the team and move on. Instead I have spent the morning trying to defend myself to people who don't see the difference between real fans, and the 'fans' from last night and the people who didn't even go down there with the purpose of watching the game.

I don't know what's bugging me more, the idiots who rioted last night, or the people that are painting all Canucks fans, Vancourites and just hockey fans in general with one brush. I don't know how many facebook status's and tweets I've seen saying " stupid hockey fans", "embarassing Canucks fans". I guess I can see how un knowledgeable people would look at it. People who don't give the game of hockey, or their fans the time of day in the first place.

They see that the riot happened after a Canucks game, and see some people with jerseys on and automatically just lump us all together. I can tell you, putting on a jersey or a t-shirt does not make you a Canucks fan. I can almost guarantee you that most of the people you saw down there with Canucks jerseys or t-shirts on involved in the riot, had just bought them in the past few months. You know the "sweet! the team is doing well, its cool to wear Canucks gear!" type people.

Trouble makers in Vancouver saw an opportunity and they took full advantage of it. With the constant reminders from the Media and other fans around the league using it as chirps, it gave them something to think about. It gave them something to try to outdo and something they knew they would get attention for. When people head downtown with balaclavas and molotov cocktails, they were not going down with the intention to enjoy the game. Period. I don't care if they threw on a Canucks jersey or t-shirt to fit in. You can't pull the ' what about the people in Linden jerseys, they've obviously been fans a long time if they have that'. No, no they haven't. Linden jerseys are still available everywhere, and lots of people wear them so once again seen as the cool thing to wear.

That being said not all went down there for that purpose. There were also the young drunks, but once again I don't believe they were rioting because of the loss. They were doing it because they are young, drunk and just like to start stuff. I know the types, I think anybody who attended high school knows those types. Once again, not true Canucks fans.

True Canucks fans were to upset after the game, after the performance by the team to care.

True Canucks fans left the downtown core before the game was over because they knew that the people down there purely to get drunk and have a 'good time', were getting out of hand already. The game wasn't even out of reach at that point.

I'm angry that I now have to sit here and defend myself, and fellow fans against it all. Other teams fans chirped us because of the 1994 riots, I hoped and prayed that it wouldn't happen again but who was I kidding? Really, I think everyone saw it coming. Im angry that people will not see the point I'm making about true fans, trouble makers and drunk bandwagoners.

I'm angry  that my beautiful city was put to shame. That once again people will not understand that it wasn't the true fans doing this. The world, for the most part, thought highly of Vancouver after the 2010 Olympics and now that is all gone. It sickened me watching the footage on CTV and Global last night, and to go on twitter and see that it was being broadcast as breaking news in places as far away as Australia. I lived in Vancouver for 19 years and wish I could live there again now, I know the true beauty and and love the city actually has. I really hope people are able to look past this, and that people see news coverage of the good citizens and real fans that were downtown bright and early this morning helping the city clean up.

Finally, I'm angry that I've sat here talking about this, instead of trying to piece together what happened these past 2 months with my hockey team. Why they had the ability to win the Cup, but seemed to not quite play to their ability. I'm angry, so it's probably not even the best time to try to figure it out. It will come in a future blog post though. 

This picture was posted on twitter this morning, I guess it sums it all up. On the Bay building downtown.

The real true fans and citizens of Vancouver are taking the fall for this when it's not how it was, and we're still saying sorry.  Those in Vancouver are downtown this morning helping to clean up the mess.

I hope that people who recognize people they know in the riot footage do the right thing and turn them in. If you have pictures of people directly doing the damage please get in contact with  the Vancouver Police( 604-717-2541) or e-mail them to Robbery@vpd.ca.

This and That

My thoughts are so all over the place that I am going to bullet this bad boy

• Keith Ballard looked like he had a decent game if you just look at his 2 shots and 6 blocked shots. Then you look at the -2,  that horrid cluster something or other that lead to the 3rd goal and the fact that half of his blocked shots were recoveries form his own bad giveaways....suddenly it doesn't look so good. 

• 1 on 1 with Keith Ballard - He says again his confidence is fine.
• I don't believe him. Look at his facial expression, the tone of his voice in that interview. Maybe I'm crazy but I feel  sorry for the Keith Ballard in that interview.  Anyone have a screen shot of when they showed him on the bench after the 3rd goal?

• I do believe the teams confidence is fine like he says they *know* they are better then they played the past 2 games. 
• Ballard hasn't had this chance.

•  Kevin Bieksa says he thought Ballard played alright and will get better as the series goes on. If he is even in next game it better be a complete turn around. 
• This goes for the whole team.

• I hope this is all out of Luongo's head and he can put it behind him and play amazing the next 2 or 3 games. I called a second loss last night if Bruins scored first, but I guess thats sort of a give in. I also said it would be another 7-8 goal game if Luongo wasn't pulled after the 4th one. I'm glad he got out for his own sanity, however I never would of been one of the idiot fans CHEERING as he was pulled. 

• I'm kind of surprised people still get mad at the Sedin "sister' or 'girl' comments. No matter what anyone says, what the Sedins do, somebody will ALWAYS do this. Just ignore it.
• Saying that, it is a bit of a different circumstance when media says it versus just other fans.

• Speaking of Media, Jason Botchford's tweets last night at about 1am my time were highly, highly amusing. I'm disapointed over half of them are gone this morning, but I completely understand why.

• Am I worried? honestly, kind of. We need a huge Canucks win on Friday. I know they have the potential to do it, I know they can do it. They just can't play as a whole, not singling out anybody, like they have the last 2 games. 

• I guess I didn't really add any insight, I'm pretty sure I've seen everything I've said 10 times over in the past 12 hours. Oh well. Go Canucks go. 

•  I've listened to the song below on repeat while typing this out. It's so stupid its great and has helped me not have a little freak out. I may have even danced a little bit.

I Have Boobs and I Find Men Attractive

When  I was a teenager and through the past few years, I tried everything possible to 'fit in with the guys' when it came to hockey, I didn't want to be known as, or come off as a 'puckbunny'. It becomes a very daunting task because some people want to label you one without even talking to you, without seeing if you have any knowledge. I have to say now, I have completely given up on it.

My name is Christine,  I find Keith Ballard and Kevin Bieksa good looking and I wear cleavage revealing shirts with Canucks logos.

I am female, it happens. To say you don't find any of the 20 some odd men on a hockey team good looking, you are probably either 1. a lesbian (which I have no problem with)  2. lying. I find the point of denying it kind of odd now that I think about it more, if you talk to people enough about the game they are going to know that you know what you're talking about. Ask poor PabloPenguin74 or Kev_macd who I talk to daily via BBM. They both know that I can keep up the actual hockey talk just like any of the guys, but they also know that I can make some interesting comments about some of the guys (hipcheck comments are always a beauty). I keep it mostly quiet, to the people who know me because they know I am really not serious about it all. I think the word 'puckbunny' is thrown around way to easily these days, being able to admit that as a grown female you find someone of the opposite sex attractive does not make you one. Some girls take it to far, the ones that show up at games with " Marry me Kesler", " I love you Kevin Bieksa" and " You can bite me any time Burrows" signs while pressing their cleavage revealing shirts up against the glass, then by all means I have no problem with throwing that term out there. They set themselves up for it, they are purposely doing and 'saying' these things directly trying to get the attention of the players. When I occasionally leave the 'check' part out of the comment ' Man I love Ballard's hipchecks', it's to get a reaction out of my friends, not trying to get his attention, not being serious and knowing he will never see the comment anyway.  

That being said, and like I mentioned I am guilty of owning those cleavage revealing shirts. I would never wear one to a game, let alone stand pressed up to the glass. I would also never wear a fitted hockey jersey, but to each their own, I'm not going to judge somebody and lump them in a group because of it. I am just a tad over 5 feet tall and 115lbs so even the small regular jerseys are almost to my knees, the sleeves completely cover my hands and beyond by about 2 inches and I could probably fit 2 of me into it, I don't care, that's how it's supposed to be. Pink jerseys have no place in hockey, where the actual team colours the way jerseys are supposed to be. If you want something pink, get a t-shirt.   I will always wear my jersey to a game, or to a bar to cheer on the Canucks but in every day life it would be impossible for me to function properly in something that hangs off me like that. I guess I don't really need to wear a tight v neck shirt, but I think they are nice. I am young-ish, I don't have have the nicest body around but I don't have a horrible one either, so I mine as well show it off while I can.  I do also own regular mens t-shirts with different players names - Ballard, Hamhuis, Bieksa, etc- and I wear those more often then I do the other shirts.

I know some people probably think ' typical girl' or 'typical puckbunny' when I call Chris Tanev ' baby Tanev'. I actually stole that from  Alixiswright, it just has a ring to it and I love it. I have no problem admitting I think he is absolutely adorable, in a I want to pinch his cheeks and send him out to play with my 2 year old son kind of way.  That's just how I see him when looking at him, but I am also very aware of his hockey skill, and the fact that he has a very promising career going forward now that I am excited to watch, as a hockey fan.

So, I can admit that I find some hockey players good looking, and I wear tight fitting cleavage revealing shirts with my teams logo on them, if that makes me a 'puckbunny' or 'not a hardcore girl fan' in your mind, so be it. If you're going to be that close minded about it all, then I don't even want to waste my time with you. I know why I watch hockey, I know I can and do focus on the game and am able to keep up conversations about it. Open minded, awesome people who take the time to get to know me, or even have a chat or two with me are able to figure this out pretty quickly.

 Does what I'm wearing here really make me seem any less of a fan then when I'm wearing a jersey..

 

If somebody is going to judge me, or anybody for that matter, and lump me with a group based on what I wear, or the fact that I do indeed find men attractive, they aren't worth my time and I honestly do not care what they think anymore. 

All that being said, I have no problem at all admitting I have a giant crush on Ian Walker's arms, John Shorthouse's voice and Jason Botchford's laugh.