Monday, January 14, 2013

And so it begins....

Ballard showed up for practice all ready to start a fresh new season, score lots of goals, play lots of minutes, throw some great hipchecks, but then he was met by AV and its quite clear what went down.

Ballard "Hey Coach! I'm here ready to start the season!"
AV " You're still here? just go sit in the damn press box"

Ballard " You can't make me!"

and so begins the new season.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Boom Boom......Ballard..... Hates California?

Saw some people pointing out something after Ballard's fight last game, so lets take a look his fights this season.

November 11th 2011 Ballard vs Perry (Anaheim Ducks)

January 17th 2012 Ballard vs Fraser (LA Kings)

January 21st 2012 Ballard vs Pavelski ( San Jose Sharks)

He is literally fighting for his spot on the Canucks lately but another observation is that Keith Ballard hates California. Why? What did California do to Keith Ballard?

In other news, yesterday at the Canucks Super Skills competition Ballard managed to beat Mason Raymond for fastest skater. I knew he was speedy from his end to end rushes that usually amount to nothing but I was definitely not expecting him to beat Raymond, even if just by a fraction of  a second.

If anybody needs me in the next couple of weeks I will be in the corner of my parents basement, in my underwear, clutching my Ballard t-shirt. I may return after February 27th.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Dear Keith

Dear Keith,

I know I said I was going to leave you alone for awhile and pick on David Booth, but we have some serious business to take care of. Last night. The game. The shot. What. The. Deuce. I defend you constantly all the time but all I can do after last nights swing in a miss(At least goalies feel safer when you swing your stick around the net these days) is laugh, to keep from crying.  I want you to go get a hockey dictionary and look up the term "one timer" Here..I'll even show you.

Have a better understanding of it now?..perhaps a visual will help
Now since you're already in your basement sulking at what you didn't do last night, I want you to start practicing. Wipe away the tears, hold your head high and practice one timers until it feels like your arms are going to fall off. Then, I want you to go make a tuhamkey sandwich and get your ass back down there and practice some more.

I expect better of you next time,

Saturday, December 10, 2011

The Situation Booth

Get it?


Yeah I laughed, at my ability to come up with absolutely horrible names for things.

I decided it's time to give poor Ballard a little break and I think I may now zone in on poor David Booth. As a friend pointed out the other day, if I ever touched a bible *I* would burst into flames (I have great friends, eh?) so I'm not sure exactly how this will work.

Really though, how can you not love the guy? the ladies love him for his looks and the men for his play, of late anyway. His tweets are so randomly awesome you can't help but want to pinch his cheeks.

 Whoever can actually admit to doing a shake weight work out is awesome in my books.
 Well, I'd hope he would have a hard time misplacing his fingers...
 Well see now I have to burst his bubble. I give you Celery Bread
 When I was growing up there was a house up the block that would give you a trick or a treat depending on how you knocked on the door, I got the trick a couple times.... I felt kind of ripped off, but really it makes sense.

Now that he's out for awhile with a knee injury I can only hope for some awesome tweets to work with.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Tooth That Was..

During Tuesday nights Canucks game a horribly tragic incident took place, Kevin Bieksa took an elbow to the face and he lost his front tooth, girls everywhere screamed...... I figured it's only fitting that we take a look back a the life of his front tooth.

It lived a very fulfilling life:

it had interviews with Cabbie

It read many books
It had many friends
Survived a few roommate spats

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

It's The Season of Giving, Right?

Imagine being 5 years old and living in Calgary, being a huge Canucks fan you are still out showing support for your team with a Canucks jersey and hat on. You have a man in his 40's wearing  a flames jersey come up to you and tell you that you need to ' watch it or your going to get beat up' completely serious, not joking at all. What would you think of Flames fans? Take that story and reverse it and you have a boy named Jake in Vancouver in his Flames jersey. Needless to say, he doesn't think Canucks fans are very nice...

Jake is now 7 and with the help of his dad made a video for the Calgary Flames "Brand Your Passion" contest. He has reached the top 4. Even as a Canucks fan I can chuckle at this video.

We can all laugh at that, we've been hearing/seeing jokes like that for so long it just doesn't really hurt, right?

NOW. I need a favour. It's a tough one. I need you lovely people to help little Jake out, go to the Flames Facebook page, you will have to 'like' it, but this can be undone later. Then you can vote for his video, it's called 'Cup', it's the first one on the voting page found HERE. 

It's the Season of giving, lets give Jake something to cheer about because we all know his hockey team doesn't give him much reason to cheer.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Coffee with Ballard

 I had the chance to sit down with Keith Ballard for coffee yesterday. It was pretty crazy actually, I was just sitting there after doing some shopping at the pet store and this guy walks up to me and asks if he can have some Pupperoni. I told him sure, if I could ask him a few questions first.

This is how it went down

Christine: Are you aware that you only just passed the Canucks goalies in assists since being a Canuck?

Keith: .... I have always had more hipchecks!

Christine: So there's been some talk about a twitter account that is apparently yours.First it had a 2 and people were confused. I pointed out that the account had been around since January and at that point everyone had figured you'd be gone so maybe you were hoping to go to a team that you could have your 2 back. It has since changed to 4 and you have locked your account. Whats going on?

Keith: Well I was hoping to get more followers then Bieksa and Kesler but then I realized it wasn't going to happen... I'm as bad at twitter as I am at pranks and pumpkin carving.

Christine: Have you got your pants hemmed yet?

Keith: No

Christine: Why not?

Keith: I'm spending all my time working on my shootout technique so I'm ready, I know my time is coming!

Christine: Did you do some work in the off season to help with your fear of shootouts?

Keith: Did you see my shootouts in practice? I was 1 of only 3 players to score. Now I just need to buy AV a house so he will let me out there.

Christine: You scored a goal in the first regular season game of the season, I thought your time had come....What happened?

Keith: I really thought so to and I'm working on it. I'm off to a slow start, again...but I'm completely confident in myself and believe I will do better. I may bring a rabbit with me again on the next road trip.

Christine: You seem to miss the net a lot when you shoot, did you know the net hasn't moved position at all since you've been playing?

Keith: I still get a little nervous when I get the chance to shoot, I'm working on it and 100 percent confident in myself. I was kind of hoping to play a trick on the goalies, you know.. let them think I can't hit the actual net...then BAM it's's a work in progress.

Christine: Have you talked to Chris Tanev lately? I miss seeing his little baby face

Keith: You miss it? I have nobody around here to pass on my knowledge to, everybody thinks they know how to play better then me.

Christine: What are your thoughts on the recent 'controversy' with Schneider and Luongo?

Keith: Well, you haven't seen me swing my stick at either of their heads yet have you?

Christine: ok... Moving on.... How's George doing?

Keith: He's good. Still just doing his thing... being small, not afraid to take on dogs bigger then him....but really..if anybody wants to send him some pupperoni....

Christine: hmm I see he takes after you. So, How about Aaron Ro.....

Keith: This interview is done.

And with that he got up and walked away with his head hung low. I saw him stop at the garbage on the way out, it appears he was grabbing some left over tuna, ham and turkey. My only guess is he needed some comfort food, in the form of a tuhamkey sandwich. I hope Derek Jory is ready for him. 

Thankfully, I do have this one picture to remember the time I had coffee with Keith Ballard.